A Letter to my Future Husband

To my Dearest Future Husband,

After watching another romantic comedy film 'She's Dating the Gangster' my faith towards destined love resurfaced. Not that I have lost it, but i set it aside for quite sometime. There are a lot of things I realized in the past few months that made look back on what's my perception and definition of love.  I thought I don't want one anymore, maybe not now, but I realized it's always great to grow old with someone and share a new day watching the sunrise and holding his hands while it sets down.

But, let's just be honest here — I always thought that if I hadn’t found you by now, I’d be totally bummed out and depressed. I thought I’d be a nervous, incomplete wreck, writing this letter as I sat on a couch crying salty tears into a liter of cheap wine or beer.  After all, I mean, hello, I’m almost thirty! I am almost on the brim of my ideal age of settling down. To my old self, i thought i'd have a diamond rock on my let hand and two charming model-looking kids and living in suburbs with a pool and an SUV.

My 29-year-old-self would wonder, with a confused half-frown on her face and a cocktail in her hand, why it seems as if I’ve been focusing on everything but finding love and a house in the suburbs.

After all, I used to have All The Things I was “supposed” to have, and yet I gave them all up.

And the man? I gave him up to a more well-suited woman.

I may not have all the luxury of things in life.

But the truth is, I’m happier now than I ever was before. 

I drastically downsized, began living off my savings, and poured all my heart and energy and focus into: Living my life

And in the process of doing All The Things, I gave up the search to find love.

Now, dear future husband, don’t take this the wrong way — it’s not that I’ve given up on finding you.

But see, if my 29-year-old self were to ask me why in the hell I gave up the search, I’d sit her down and I’d tell her this:

“Cheryl, there’s something you must know about love, and it’s much different than what you’ve been taught: Real love — real fulfillment — isn’t the way it looks in the movies, where you’re destined to be desperately incomplete and unhappy until the One Perfect Person comes into your life and magically makes your life whole.

Love, salvation, wholeness, completeness, happiness — these things don’t come to you solely through one magical person or through securing the life you’re ‘supposed’ to live.

In fact, Real Love cannot come to you at all, because it is already right here and right now, ready to be experienced in everything and everyone around you. 

It is not just contained in some romantic version of flowers and wine — to really love is to love the mountain fresh air as you breathe in and breathe out. It is to love and appreciate the dexterity of your fingers on the keyboard and the sharpness of your mind as you build a complex Excel spreadsheet. (Yes, I just used ‘love’ and ‘Excel’ in the same sentence. What can I say; it’s the accountant in me.) To love is to see — to really see and to really greet — each person you meet. To love is all this and more.

To fully live, I think, is to fully love.

And the truth is, in the process of learning to really live — to experience each moment deeply, fully, completely — I may not have found the right man yet, but that’s not to say that I haven’t found love.

In fact, I’ve fallen deeply in love — not with one man, but with life. With myself. In every places I see, new sets of eyes were born and new set of life's perspective were unfolded. I’ve found love and contentment in the smallest, simplest things. 

So, yes, you could say I’ve fallen madly in love.

It’s not just about finding the guy who will sweep you off your feet and bring you to your knees; it’s also about loving life, appreciating each moment, and learning to give without any expectation of reward beyond the joy of the act itself.

And dare I say that until you’ve experienced real love — ‘big L,’ Universal Love, you cannot truly experience the realest kind of romantic love with that fabul-awesome guy who will one day — when the time is just right — step into your life.”

And so.

To The Man Who Will One Day Become My Soul-Mate in Crime,

I am no longer looking for love. Not in any place and any corners. I am no longer looking for love because I already am love. I already have love.

Yes; I’ve already found love in my life, and it is right here and right now.

Now all I’m waiting on — patiently, deliberately, and full of faith — is you.

I cannot wait — as in, I'm like ready to jump all the way from the sky and swim the deepest oceans and climb the highest mountain — to meet you. And I’m just gonna go ahead and put this out there: Whenever the time is right for our paths to cross — should it be in 5 days, 5 years, or 5 lifetimes — I think I’m finally ready.

Chilling in Hot Springs of Pansol

We have been wanting an out of time get together as a team, and I guess this has been long overdue.  So i grab my feet and set my mood for another weekend trip all the way south to Pansol, Laguna. The home of the famous “Hot Spring Resorts”

Pansol is part of Calamba and a component city of Laguna. Situated 54kms south of Manila and as mentioned popular for numerous hot spring resorts and of course the hometown of our national hero Dr Jose Rizal.  It lies on the northern slopes of Mount Makiling, a dormant volcano, reason for its therapeutically hot springs.

There were only four souls who confirmed that we are pushing through. So we hop on the bus bound to Pansol located in Quezon City and paid less than Php 100.00. The trip going to Pansol is a bit long maybe because it’s a Saturday and we left late in the afternoon.  We arrived at around 4 o’clock in the afternoon at RockPoint Resort.  If you opted to stay in the same resort just tell the bus driver to drop you at Sol Y Viento, walk 500 meters and you will find signage that will lead you to the resort.

The Reception of Rockpoint Resort

After few minutes of rest, even if we were still tired but growling tummy is always the priority so headed to SM City Calamba to grab some lunch. We settled ourselves in Savory Chicken. I just had my braces adjusted so eating is somehow inconvenient for me. I just love my buddies as they were so considerate :) I had to eat slower than usual.

Lunch at Savory Chicken, SM City Calamba

After filling up our empty tummies we went back to the resort for a hot-cold splash on the pool.  The resort is just perfect if you want a relaxing ambiance. Soothing music playing all over the place. If you want to unwind and forget about the hustle and bustle of Metro Manila, i think this is one great place to stay.  The resort itself is designed for staycationers, everything you need is here: spa, fitness gym, meditation garden, restaurant and lounge, karaoke room and of  course the two hot spring water pools. On top of that, they serve great foods too.

The Garden and Prayer Room

Relaxin’ at the Garden

Checking out the Fitness Gym

The Spa

The Hallway

 

The Pool Area

 

Lava Restaurant

Oh yeah, this is life!

  

Of course, before leaving the resort. Photo Op moment :) It was a short, sweet and relaxing stay in Pansol Laguna specifically in Rockpoint Resort.

 

I deserve this break so much and I am grateful to my weekend buddies for making this happen. A simple resort can turn out to be a great escape to heal some brokenness and be ready for the next chapter. Pansol carved that in  my heart. This is my first time in Pansol and definitely not the last!

The resort is highly recommended for friends and family outing. Make sure to have your reservations ahead of time. You can visit their website for futher information. 

I realized what loving means.... and it’s a choice to let go!

Much has been said and done, and it’s the LOVE month. huh! What more can I say? So i jot down my thoughts and realizations about my whirlwind and at the same time life changing experiences.

It is indeed true, loving is not about achieving happiness, it’s really taking the risk. Taking the risk of investing your feeling and emotion to a total stranger, without any assurance that he’s going to take care of it. Putting your heart at risk of getting hurt and worst, broken.

My heart is still bleeding..searching for answers but all I can do is just trust and have faith that everything happens for a reason.  For the past few days that I have been asking myself, I realized few more things about loving.  What it entails when you found love that’s true and real. If you love someone, ask for nothing. Don’t hold him from his destiny. Don’t keep him far going off in search of his own answers. Don’t ask him for commitment. You will know when commitment is real when it is something given willingly, and not as something obligatory. Don’t ask him for promises. If you are patient, if you have faith, you will know in your heart when the right time for promises to come. And when that time arrives, you will see that you both  lost nothing by setting each other free and have instead gained a richer, fuller life, a wealth of experiences, and a stronger certainty of desires

But should he not return to you, then life hasn't cheated you because no promises were broken. Your bitterness will not last long, and you will feel thankful and blessed at the very least, this beautiful soul has colored your life, that knowing him has already made life infinitely more meaningful.

By setting a person free, you run a risk of him not returning. But always remember, that you found him beautiful precisely because he was free.  People are like sunlight. You can feel their warmth, and their glow, but you can’t hold them in your hand keep them forever.  People choose to stay. But a choice is made more meaningful when it is made despite many other options.

For those who have loved and have to let go, be proud of yourself. You have made a brave choice! TO LOVE YOURSELF.

The Power of Love and its Lessons

For the past 4 years in my life, i have never been looking forward to celebrating Valentines Day. Sounds bitter for some, but yeah, I admit i kinda felt that I should be. Kidding aside, I am not! I just felt though that God wants me to be more patient, waiting for that special someone he has been preparing. I guess we are both being prepared to meet in future when He knows we are ready for each other.

Earlier, a friend posted something in Facebook that struck me: "My phone is under repair, the price for settling for less" so I stopped, paused and think. I realized that there is something more to this. Just like in love or in life, if you don't wait patiently or invest on something valuable, it will turn out to be something lesser that you thought it would be. It may also be taken for granted because it doesn't seem to have much of a value. I realized, I have been so impulsive these past few months, making decisions out of curiosity, not even assessing if this is something that I really wanted. I posted few weeks back about lacking purpose in life. I'm in another crossroad not knowing either be heading left or right, move forward or backward.

I am trying to create directions in my life but I got lost in the middle of nowhere. This is not so me! I have been so strong and determined and independent half of my life and this challenge should be pretty easy to handle. But I was wrong, I didn't realize how powerful Love can be. It can either make you grow and be better as a person or can ruin your entire life. I wouldn't let it happen, i have traveled so far, surpassed a lot of challenges, and this should not be an exception. I should be able to get through this, no matter what happen.

For now, my heart is aching and bleeding.  It's my choice to be in this situation. I have always keep this in mind, the moment i said 'I love you' to someone is also the time i gave him the opportunity to hurt me. If he will, then it's up to him. My heart has been guarded for so many years and one shot of cupid's arrow it melted like snow. Melted for someone who may not be worth the risk. But I am not yet giving up, I still believe in the Power of Love. It may not be a Happy Ending but the journey will be worth it.